A Grave Affair
by Artemis - Simetra
Summary: Drakken, Shego and Monkey Fist decide it's time to mix magic and science to do the unthinkable: Raise the dead. However, raising the dead and dealing with them turn out to be two very different things...
1. Introduction

I cannot believe I am doing this, but here it is, an official fanfic, I hope you enjoy it.

Thanks to my betas, Tina and Dippy.

I attempted to write most of it roughly in the style of the show, albeit a bit darker, especially with things like zombies and suicide, and hope I have succeeded to at least some degree.

I am a big fan of Emilie Autumn (Being rather fucked up in the head myself), and certain things in this story were in fact, inspired by her and her music.

Overall the story focuses on our three villains dealing with their newly risen undead friends, as I am a D/S shipper, there is going to be D/S shipping, however, as I seem to have a bad allergic reaction to fluff, you will not find it here.

Story takes place after "Graduation", and should (I hope) fit in with canon. Yes, there will be OCs, so if you really don't want to read something with original characters in it, I suggest you find something else.

And, oh yes, the obligatory, "I do not own this" spiel. I am simply borrowing the characters, and will return them unharmed, I promise.

On with the show, darlings!

It was a dark and stormy night, something which Monkey Fist, formally known as Lord Monty Fiske would have found irritatingly cliché if he were, as it was at that moment, not too traumatized to think at all. For now, he sat on his bed in his old drafty castle rocking back and forth while hugging his knees to his chest and muttering incomprehensibly to no one in particular.

He had not, in any sense of the word, ever been a good person. He was evil, he was a villain, he was completely insane! But no one deserved what he had been through.

He would liked to have blamed it all on that Monkey-phobic Stoppable, and while it was true that Stoppable and his cheer-leader, world-saving girlfriend _had_ foiled his last plan and had been responsible for the series of events that had ended in his being transformed into a stone statue and buried underground, they had had nothing to do with what had occurred next, which was far, far worse.

He shuddered to remember it. How many showers had he taken? Twenty-three? Twenty-four? He still didn't quite feel clean. He had been dug up. By _DNAmy_ no less! For the past few months he had been a frozen stone statue in her living room. He had awoken- wires attached to him wherever there was space looping towards complex electrical machines- with a quite literal jolt, to find a pink feather boa around his neck, and a delighted DNAmy rushing forward to hug him.

What had he done next? What anyone would do. He ran.

He had never run so fast, or so far in all of his life, truth be told, he wasn't entirely certain how he had gotten home, his mind had been too clouded with terror.

After what must have been his fiftieth shower he began to feel mildly better. He wasn't a stone statue anymore, he had his health, he had his monkeys, and most of all… he had a plan.

He smiled to himself, an evil smile, the first smile he had smiled in months. Truth be told it wasn't a complete plan, it wasn't even half complete. It was more of an idea, something he had considered, but then forgotten in favor of searching for the magic of the Yono.

He rummaged through an old set of oak drawers, now where was it? Let's see… A map of Brazil, a paper on the religious ethics of the old Monkey masters, a banana peel, (A banana peel? How on earth did that get in there? He made a mental note to give the monkeys a lecture on how to properly dispose of their garbage after snacking.) And… ah-ha! There it was. He unrolled a yellowed piece of parchment and allowed himself another evil smile. This was it. This was the one, he just knew it. This would _definitely_ work. Not only would he have the world on its knees, (all the better, then they would have no choice but to hand everything related to mystical monkey power to him.) but the _method_ was simply _brilliant_. It would certainly frighten DNAmy, Miss Everything-cute-pink-and-plush would be absolutely _terrified_, and after what she had just put him through, she certainly deserved it.

There was only one problem. This particular plan called for a rather extensive knowledge of science and technology, fields in which his own knowledge was particularly limited. Sure, he could translate old ruins and work magical artifacts whose secret had been buried for centuries, but truth be told, he could barely put two wires together.

He was going to need help.

And he knew just where to get it.


	2. The Proposition

Monkey Fist had never been a "morning man", villainy seemed to call for an at least semi-nocturnal lifestyle, and this suited him just fine. Despite this, however, it was at nine-o-clock AM sharp that he found himself creeping quietly across the high-beams in the ceiling of Drakken's lair.

If you wanted another villain to listen to you, you had to impress them, and what was more impressive then breaking in to make your proposal? His plan was to surprise them the moment they got up, and if he was correct, he should be directly over the living room at this moment.

The tricky part was making his way across in such a small space. However, for someone with as much experience in the area as he had, it shouldn't take more than a few minutes. It would take a real shock to make him lose his footing.

He glanced down. Yes, he was in the living room, alright. His targets must still be asleep. Breaking into their bedrooms would be too much, certain standards of common courtesy must be upheld, and he felt that would be an invasion of privacy. Perhaps he could wait for them in the kitchen? Yes, yes, that would do it. Just the right amount of flair.

He glanced down, searching for his next foothold, when something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye-

There! On the couch!

Oh _no_...

No _way_...

"Gedditoff! Gedditoff!" Dr. Drakken flailed wildly, attempting to push the large, hairy _something_ that had just fallen on him, off.

There was an "oof!" and a loud "thunk" as a black figure rolled onto the floor, wincing in pain.

A blast of green shot over Drakken's left ear, and the figure jumped out of the way with surprising ease.

"Eas-!"

Bam! Another blast of plasma shot towards the dark figure, who jumped behind the couch to avoid it, before it exploded onto the stone walls of the lair.

Drakken narrowed his eyes, concentrating. A long skinny vine snaked out from behind his head, slithering behind the couch... And brought back a chair instead of the intruder. Damn it!

"Think you can just break in?" Shego flew over the top of the couch and aimed a kick at the intruder's head, who rolled out of the way and jumped back in front of the couch.

"Eas-!" Shego threw herself over the couch, hands ignited and shot off one more blast. The figure had just enough time to pick up a cushion and hold it up in front of their face. Green light hit the cushion and stuffing flew everywhere.

"Easy!" The figure yelled, holding half of a couch cushion in each hand.

Shego's hands went out. Drakken's vines immediately stopped wriggling.

"Monkey Freak?"

"Monkey _Fist_, if you _don't_ mind. but yes, it is me."

"Monkey Fist?" Drakken tilted his head to the side, "But the last time we saw you, you were-"

"Stone? Yes. Well, let's just say I've had a rather miraculous, and highly disturbing, recovery."

"Alright... Second question: What are you doing here?" Shego asked.

"And why were you in the ceiling?" Drakken piped up, giving Monkey Fist a highly annoyed look.

"What? Was I interrupting something?" Monkey Fist asked with a knowing smirk, "Not that I should be surprised, of course. It's not like no one knew it was coming. The villain community has been gossiping about it for _years_..."

"Gossiping?" Drakken paled.

"Please tell me there's more to your little break-in than you gloating about-"

"Your little hook-up?"

Another plasma blast silenced him.

"Alright! I've come here with a proposition."

"A proposition?" Drakken cocked an eyebrow, or more precisely, half of his one very long eyebrow.

"Indeed. I have a plan so cunning, so _perfect_, that not to execute it in and of itself would be a crime. Er... So to speak."

"And..?"

"While I am a master of Tai Shing Pek Kwar, and expert on all things magic, my knowledge of technological matters is rather... limited. A combination of both magic and technology are needed in order to make this work."

"Oh?" Shego said, "And what makes you think we'll go along with something stupid like that, huh? First you break into our lair-"

"Oh, it's _our_ lair now?" Monkey Fist teased with a smirk.

Shego growled. "You're on your way to a good shaving, King Kong."

Monkey Fist rolled his eyes. "I'll kindly ignore the fact that King Kong was clearly an ape, not a monkey, if we can skip all this bantering and get to the part where you two agree to help."

"Hey! What about _my_ evil plans?" Yelled an indignant Drakken. "You don't even know if I could fit you into my schedule. I'm a busy man, you know."

"Busy?" Scoffed Monkey Fist. "_Please_, the last thing that was on your schedule, Drakken, was _saving the world_. I've been through the newspapers. There's been no mention of you since the end of June. Impressive, considering the fact that you can hardly go a week without running into Team Possible. I'm going to guess you're _out of ideas_."

"I am _not_ out of ideas!" Drakken roared "I'm just having a slight... block at the moment, that's all." His brow furrowed and he glared at Monkey Fist. "The point is, I'm busy! I couldn't possibly make time!"

"Oh? And what else do you have on your agenda at the moment, Drakken? Flowers and candlelit dinners with your sweetheart?"

"Nrrrrrrgggh."

The Monkey-Man smiled "Charming. When frustrated, you revert to a guttural, non-lingual form of communication. How very fascinating."

Drakken simply scowled.

"Look, my point is, you're having a mental block and currently have no plans. I have an idea. Science and magic, when used separately, can be a potent force in and of themselves, but together? Together, we could be unstoppable." At this point, Monkey Fist literally had to bite his tongue in order stop the maniacal laughter that was bubbling up his throat. Damn. That happened at the most inconsiderate of times.

"You know, the furball's got a point." Said Shego, jerking a thumb towards the Monkey-Man. "It's not as if we've got anything better to do."

Drakken grimaced, thought it over for a moment, then replied, "Alright. Come back at two-o'-clock and show us this "wonderful plan" of yours. Then we'll think it over. But no jumping on me this time!"

"Excellent! I'll meet you back here at two-o'-clock, then." Monkey Fist turned, looked back over his shoulder, smirked, and said as he walked away, "For now I'll just leave you two to your… cuddling."

A blast of plasma took out most of the door-frame, but luckily, Monkey Fist was already out the door. Thank goodness for ninja reflexes!


End file.
